And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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