I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize