where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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