Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
