i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
