Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
