True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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