Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
not ubering you a puppy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
