i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
