Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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