Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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