so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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