I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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