Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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