help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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