i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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