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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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