I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
