Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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