I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
