No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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