So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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