That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
