Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
