there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
