You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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