WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
