she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
