I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
