I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
