hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
