He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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