a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
