Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
