go do what you do best...puke behind churches
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
