you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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