He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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