You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
