explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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