There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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