Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
