If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
