I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
