My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
