Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize