she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
