Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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