State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
