did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I looked at my own cervix.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
