I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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