You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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