white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
