Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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