ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
