He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
