you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
