2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
