i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
