The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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