for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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